“Ten minutes til the rankings close.”
The air was full of the sound of anvils being struck, saws cutting through wood, and the swish of cloth as the best crafters in Eorzea competed for the top spots in the Ishgard rankings. I’d chosen to compete with my favourite class, blacksmith, the most competitive of the eight crafting disciplines, and I was still working feverishly as the final moments approached. Even the chance to compete was a rare privilege, since the rankings were a special event that would seldom be repeated. At stake was the coveted Saint of the Firmament title, awarded by Ishgard’s highest dignitary, Ser Aymeric de Borel, to the top twelve crafters in each discipline. Everyone around me was frantically swinging their hammers, trying to get one or two more crafts done before the timer ran out.
As the ten day competition had progressed my name had slowly slipped down the rankings to twelfth, with the competitors below me climbing quickly, but on the last day I finally had some free time to get stuck in. By then I’d mastered the expert crafts required for the competition and was in ‘the zone’, so I had a good chance to claw back my position amongst the leaders. It’s a happy memory – a rainy day in front of the TV with the dog curled up next to me, doing my favourite thing in my favourite game. I’d already turned in a record number of crafts that day, about a quarter of my total score, but I couldn’t stop until the timer ran out.
“I’ve just got time for a few more crafts…”
Ten minutes later and my crafting marathon had come to an end with 453,600 Skybuilder points on the board. It was impossible to know if that was enough to finish in the top twelve – the results weren’t tallied in real time and it seemed like everyone was sprinting towards the end. But no more submissions would count now and the competition was over. The hammers were put away and the bashing of anvils was replaced by fireworks and dancing. “Well done everyone!”. “Good luck!”. Ishgard celebrated as the wait for results began.
I was relieved the long grind was over, and happy with my performance, but it was also the moment I realised I’d finished playing Final Fantasy XIV with my character Olaf Quintessa. After letting off a few fireworks and patting a few people on the back, I left Ishgard and went home to my house in Mist. Was there anything left for me to do? From the very beginning my ambition was to be a great crafter, and I felt like I’d achieved that. So what next? I’d dabbled in raiding but was terrible at it. I liked hanging out with my FC friends, but lacked the confidence to help with difficult duties and trials. I liked my house, but wasn’t much of a decorator. The Shadowbringers storyline had just come to a neat conclusion, so it felt like a good time to stop.
How do you write a tribute to somebody who’s done the same things as everybody else? Well, perhaps not exactly the same things, but everyone who plays Final Fantasy XIV (FFXIV) becomes the Warrior of Light: slayer of demons, protector of the weak, friend of dragons, astral traveler… And yet Olaf was unique. For better or worse, he was me.
FFXIV is a massively multiplayer online role playing game (MMORPG) that has amassed millions of players from around the world since it launched seven years ago. Set in a world called Eorzea, with a bit of everything from swords to magic, heroes to monsters, tragedy and triumph, it’s simply enormous and wonderful. There are four parts to it, each with their own lands to explore and story to follow. The first is A Realm Reborn, the original game released back in 2013, followed by the expansions Heavensward, Stormblood, and Shadowbringers. Massively multiplayer means you spend a lot of your time playing alongside other real people and not just the usual scripted characters you’d see in a video game, which makes it quite a sociable and unpredictable experience! Stories and quests lead you through almost every aspect of the game but you also get to set your own goals, big or small, or if you prefer just hang around with friends. For many people it’s a part of their lives and a great source of happiness.
I first set foot in Eorzea in 2017 just after the Stormblood expansion came out. I made a character called Olaf Quintessa, and at the game’s suggestion I was based on a European server called Omega with other English speakers. You get plenty of options when you’re designing a character – different races, sizes, looks and shapes – but for Olaf I chose to make a character that was somewhat like me, except better looking, with great hair. Much of the content you do as a group in FFXIV revolves around the basic party of tank, healer and dps (damage per second). The idea is for the tank to attack and hold the attention of the enemy (taking all the hits), while the dps kills the enemy and the healer keeps everyone alive. I started as a gladiator, one of the tank classes, because I’d read that queue times for duties would be quick, and I preferred the idea of hitting things to healing.
And so I arrived in Ul’dah as a hopeful refugee, five years after a calamity had laid waste to much of the land, with the hostile Garlean empire agitating at the borders of a weakened Eorzea. There was plenty of need for a hero! I was to become the Warrior of Light…
I’d never played a MMORPG before so it was an exciting new experience. I slowly got to grips with my role as a tank, and picked up various crafting and gathering classes so I could be self-sufficient. I did levequests and FATEs to level up and earn a bit of gil (the in game currency). I did the main story quests and met the characters you spend so much time with during the course of the game. I’ll confess to feeling a bit lost with the story at times, but the characters are really where FFXIV shines. It’s hard not to fall in love with some of them, like the world’s greatest cat mom Y’shtola. I also joined a Free Company (FC) after spotting a recruitment notice on the FFXIV forums, and so I got to know a few people too. FCs are where most of the socialising happens in game because the open world chat is either very quiet or rather raucous. Once you’ve joined an FC you’re automatically in a group chat with the other members, and it becomes a far less lonely experience. I was one of the few newbies in my FC, while everyone else was at endgame, but they were friendly and welcoming.
I didn’t realise at the time but I’d already made three very poor decisions which meant my first go at FFXIV only lasted a few months.
Firstly – there were hardly any players from my time-zone on Omega – everyone else in my FC was from Europe while I was in New Zealand. Queue times as a tank weren’t quick because the world was empty anyway. FC events were at times I couldn’t be around, and even if I played in the morning my FC friends would soon disappear to go to bed. Later on I made contact with a few people from Australia and New Zealand and tried to organise some things, but nothing ever got off the ground. Despite being a wonderful game that brings people together, I couldn’t help feeling remote.
Secondly – tank was a very bad choice for a starting class. Since you’re up the front grabbing the attention of enemies before they spot anyone else, you’re the de facto leader of the party and there’s a lot of pressure to be quick and know what you’re doing. But I didn’t know what I was doing because I’d never set foot in a dungeon before! I guess I did my best – I tried not to get lost, or die, or let the healer get attacked, but I also messed up a lot. There’s actually a hell of a lot to learn, but everyone else seems to know exactly what they’re doing because they’ve done it a hundred times before. Everyone’s looking at you, and if you die everyone else dies too, so it’s hard not to feel anxious.
Thirdly – and this is the most important thing – I should never have made a character that was ‘me’, because I felt responsible for everything, took things too seriously, and worried a lot when I should have just been enjoying myself. I’ve beaten Bloodborne and Dark Souls so I’m no stranger to difficult games, but nothing is quite like the pressure of real people. I can’t even say why I let it get to me so much, because I have to give briefings to roomfuls of people at work every day (and soak up the consequences if things go wrong) and that doesn’t bother me. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t know the other people I was playing with, so I projected my worst fears onto them, expecting to be laughed at or belittled. It was certainly all in my head, because even when I did make mistakes, or got lost, or was slow, nobody was nasty. In fact people in FFXIV are extremely nice! The community has a very good reputation. But because I created a character that was basically me I carried all my anxieties and fears into the game, and it held me back enormously.
Instead of reaching out to my FC for help I became a bit shy, steering clear of situations where I might look bad. I spent far more time levelling crafting classes than I should have. I basically lived in the FC workshop and helped with company crafting projects – large scale projects that took up a lot of time and resources. I thought crafting was something I could actually be good at, and help people without looking stupid, and so the ambition to be a great crafter took hold.
Of course the other thing I could have done was try another class that wasn’t a tank – a straightforward dps class like Dragoon or Bard where all you have to do is run after the tank and kill things, but duties in general had been such a source of stress up to that point that I never followed up the idea. Yes I know that’s stupid! There were still things I enjoyed – exploring, casual chats with my FC, the story and characters, levelling my crafters and the strange joy of seeing numbers go up! But every time I reached a new dungeon or trial that required grouping up with other people, it would be a couple of days of watching videos and worrying about it until I finally did it.
My few months playing FFXIV came to an end when I reached the finale of A Realm Reborn. The climax is a pair of duties called Castrum Meridianum and The Praetorium, where you fight your way into the Garlean’s stronghold, infiltrate a heavily defended bunker, and face off against The Ultimate Weapon. These duties have twice the normal party size, with two tanks, two healers, and four dps, and are supposedly a heroic battle to save Eorzea from a terrible fate, but Castrum Meridianum was such a miserable experience I didn’t even go on to do the second half, The Praetorium! Since everyone else was speed-running, and had done it dozens of times before, I was quickly left behind and died. I didn’t get healed because I was basically redundant, and I spent the whole time trying to catch up with everyone else and work out what the fuck was going on. Somehow or other we finished and it was over, but I felt like shit and decided I’d had enough. FFXIV wasn’t the game for me – I cancelled my sub and moved on. I played a lot of Stardew Valley.
But of course that wasn’t the end of the story:
Two years later I fired up FFXIV on the PlayStation again. I’d spent much of those two years playing Magic: The Gathering, but eventually my interest in Magic waned and I was ready to dive into a fantasy world again. There I was, standing in Ul’dah exactly where I’d abandoned my game after a shitty run of Castrum, still waiting to finish A Realm Reborn. I ran around and killed a few easy mobs to get into the swing of things then decided it was time to save the world. I watched a video, made some notes, and jumped into The Praetorium to finish the story.
And… exactly the same thing happened! It was completely shit!
But I put it behind me and moved on. After The Praetorium Eorzea is safe again, at least for a while, and a new storyline kicks into gear. You get to spend time with the main characters and there are a lot of great moments – some funny, some genuinely tragic – until it reaches another climax and you move on to the next expansion, Heavensward. Finally crossing the bridge to Ishgard and finding a whole new land to explore was the moment FFXIV really got its hooks into me. Heavensward is truly magical. I still spent a lot of time in the FC workshop, and never did get around to levelling anything apart from a tank and all my crafters, but things felt a bit better. Discovering Squadrons made a big difference too – I could practice and level up with a group of AI instead of real people.
I slowly played through Heavensward and Stormblood during another six months on Omega, and enjoyed them both a great deal (especially the Yorkshire accents of Stormblood), but of course a problem remained. I was still on the wrong side of the world. Why did I stay on a European server so long? I liked the people in my FC for one thing, even if I didn’t see them much, but maybe I stayed because I’m British and I felt at home. I’m glad I live in New Zealand now, but I hadn’t totally let go of my heritage and having a character on Omega felt like I still had a place in that old world.
Just as I started Shadowbringers I decided to move to a server where there’d be plenty of other ANZ players around. Tonberry and Kujata are Japanese servers with lots of people from the Oceania region, including Australia and New Zealand, so that’s where I decided to go. Moving between the European and Japanese servers is a complete break and you can’t stay friends or play with anyone you used to know. After finishing one last company project and saying good bye, I disappeared from Omega and re-appeared on Kujata.
FFXIV is exactly the same game on whichever server you play, the only difference is the other players. Kujata felt a lot more alive at the times I was on – the cities were bustling and even out in the open world there were other players around. A lot of the chat appeared in Japanese, but I found an English speaking FC of Aussies and New Zealanders – a “casual, fun loving group of people dedicated to helping others, especially those new to the game” – which sounded perfect. I got on with the Shadowbringers story and… settled in to the FC workshop as usual.
But I also tried to break my bad habit of avoiding group duties and I reached out to my FC for help, like I should have done before. I still messed up plenty and didn’t fully understand what was going on, but everyone was supportive. I also got to do treasure maps for the first time too! Treasure hunting requires a group because you’re sometimes thrown into a dungeon that is too tough to do alone, but it’s not complicated and there isn’t much to learn. It’s fun (and you get rich)! It was my first time regularly doing duties with other people and it felt good.
After I maxed out all my crafting and gathering classes I realised it was time to learn something other than my one tank class. This is totally the wrong way round and I don’t recommend it at all! You learn a lot from playing as a dps or healer, so you shouldn’t leave it until the end to try other classes! I finally got to see other tanks screw up, which made me feel a lot better, and I soon realised that being a dps is a hell of a lot more relaxing than being a tank because all you do is follow someone else, and if you die it doesn’t matter. It would have been a much better choice as a starting class! After avoiding duty roulettes for so long I tried to make amends and do them every day. I kept a notebook handy with crucial stuff it’s easy to forget, like which icicle to run behind in Snowcloak, and which bit of Leviathan to attack in the Whorleater. It helped, and I chilled out a bit.
Of those three bad decisions from the early days, I had dealt with two of them: I left the European server to find people closer to where I lived, and I branched out from tanking to something else. A lot of good times followed: treasure maps, birb farming, clearing old raids. I finished Shadowbringers and, best of all, I finally got to a point where I could craft endgame gear for people. I could be helpful at last, and nothing made me happier than making stuff.
By the time the Ishgard rankings rolled around there was only one thing left to fix – the decision to be ‘me’.
The results of the Ishgard rankings took a lot longer to come out than expected. There was some talk of bots on other severs with massive scores that couldn’t be real, and people working in teams so sleep didn’t get in the way. At the bottom of the table in twelfth position I could easily drop out all together, and I wasn’t sure if I’d really want to go through it all again (I’m sure my wife wouldn’t want another ten days of me being that stressed and grumpy either!). It was a tense wait, but when I looked at my phone the next morning I’d done it! I was a Saint! I had even moved up to tenth! All that effort on the last day had been worth it.
I’ll always be proud of that achievement, but it marked the end of Olaf and the start of something else.
Meet Loefbryda, a roegadyn Warrior of Light that I fondly call Loaf, currently near the start of Stormblood. She started life as an arcanist, a magical dps with a book for a weapon, but quickly branched out to give everything a go and is just as happy swinging swords as hammers. There’s nothing to read into the fact I chose a female character instead of male – it just adds to the distance between me and my character, a bit like playing Lara Croft. On screen I’m someone else, but if you’re wondering why I chose roegadyn over any other race, well Merlwyb might have had something to do with it.
Playing through A Realm Reborn and Heavensward again has been an absolute joy with Loaf. I’ve spent a lot more time doing duties with my FC friends and have hardly touched squadrons or been in the FC workshop. It’s been a lot easier to shrug off mistakes and dive into things without stressing about the consequences. I don’t really know what the endgame is for Loaf – I’m still a long way off Shadowbringers and by the time I’m through it, the next expansion might be out. I’d like to have levelled everything by then and I might even give raiding another go, if I feel like it! Of course Olaf hasn’t totally gone away – he still looks after the FC garden, gathers extra maps, and crafts endgame gear when needed – but that’s about it. Now it’s Loaf’s turn to explore Eorzea.
If you’re on Kujata and you happen to see me running around, please say ‘hi’! I’d love to hear from you! Good luck on your journey and remember – a smile better suits a hero!
fresh static :: olaf quintessa 